With Gratitude

A year has nearly completed. So much has happened, it would be enough to fill a lifetime, yet this is just, yet at the same time - whole - year. At this time last November I was waking up. I am so very grateful for the blessing of so many people that helped me to come today to where I am. You know who you are - thank you, and I dearly love you. You will always have a special place in my heart. Without you I would not be able to find courage to do what my heart and soul were longing for. You've helped me to really see the miracles faith does. I've felt my Saviour Divine hand, again, with your humble help. You opened the Divine door to life for me when I gave up and settled for a threshold. You helped me to feel Divine Mother's love, you've helped me to come back to being ... just me.

I am so ever grateful for the Divine Love from Saviour, Divine Mother and Father - for loving teachings , for comfort and peace. I found my home. Or, actually... I just came back. I look back with gratitude , and with gratitude, happiness , peace and love, I go forward. My life hasn't changed. It is only now that it has become mine, filled with gratitude and candle light. Now , complete.

Busy working

Very, very busy working. Finally, at around 4 pm I had a minute to sit down and rest ( as much as you can while feeding a wiggly and tired baby). I noticed that Justin was busy rummaging through papers we picked up, cutting, drawing, but most importantly, switching one pile with another.

"Justin, what are you doing?"

"I am doing papers, mommy. This is my work. Paper work.".

Note to self : spending WAAAY too much time with Daddy.

Bad Obama? Really...

So, I continue to hear " Bad, Obama", "No change", "BAAAD medical reform", and more bad-bad-bads. It really is that bad, that I just have to acknowledge is here. It really IS bad that 36 million are going to have health insurance. And for all the older aged population that seems to be so against it, since they are the "tax payers" ( and I am sure nobody else is) , those ARE your kids AND grandkids, that make just about $1 more then the cut out for CURRENT medicaid requirement is, but still make barely any money to make their ends meet. I am sure, they really should not be put on the health insurance. After all, who's even going to have like 3 babies while still in school, especially if they are LDS. Besides, particularly guys with the LDS missions, and all degrees and requirements for those MBA/Law/MD/OD degrees, they should know waaaay better, and start a family when they are all set, done and ready. Like, after 35. Definitely should not qualify.

And it REALLY is bad, that with that new reform, insurance companies are not going to be able to drop/ not add a person with a pre-existing condition. After all, it really is just another life's blessing to not have insurance because one is diabetic or has terminal illness. Seriously, why use someone else's tax money to help those people gain health or help with pain they are in. It's a much better investment to , AGAIN, resurface the roads, so that we can have MORE CARS polluting the air. Much better investment. For sure.

Or the addition of $98 billion to the Federal Education fund is a really, really bad idea. I mean,who needs education? Seriously. Especially, since it's free in the US. And especially, single mothers. Those really don't need any grants or scholarships. For goodness sake's, they've already got the baby ( or several) , don't they know better? It's totally wiser to CUT the fund ( like the unknown previous leader did), and really it is much more beneficial to Tarzan selves into the war. Every young man dreams about being killed, and really it is so much fun for the wives and families to not see their loved ones for months and months.

Oh, and the fact that the US is starting being recognized as a reputable country AGAIN throughout the world must really be a bad thing. Seriously. Who'd want that. Surely, not the taxpayers.

And the truth is...

This article was posted on the Utah Friends of Midwives:

http://www.heraldextra.com/news/local/central/provo/article_3085b44b-cf7c-5029-ac0b-0b2bdb8baadf.html

As I was reading this, I went through a roller coaster of memories. Remembering myself , feeling the same way, as some of the women do, in regards that "doctor knows best", "won't do any harm", and "i'm just trusting the doctors. They are, after all, educated, and do this for living". I had my share of trusting and believing in the "machine power". While I do believe in medicine, I believe even more in taking responsibility. I found, through my last pregnancy, that there is a lot more to the medical system then just coming to see the doctor. For example, such little things, as once you see the doctor and sign a medical release form ( which you are required to sign to be seen) , you sign your will away to the judgement of above mentioned doctor, who is legally more bound by laws and regulations ( only a hospital is worth a million), that he is first and foremost a businessman, and hence is his/her first priority. I too, like many others, felt that there is so much, that can happen wrong and I know so little to take charge of my and my baby's life. My pink eyeglasses have been ruthlessly shaken off when I heard the very well meaning doctor - an OB that I've been seeing - telling me that he himself could do nothing to change his OWN grandchild's situation ( who was treated according to the hospital's protocol, even though the baby did not need anything) , and he had even less power in my case.

I was shocked by the reaction, when I made a conscious decision to continur the pregnancy to term. I knew that there was nothing kore important then my baby's health and development, even IF that meant more difficulties for me. So, I transferred care. To someone who cared about the health of the child more then about money. With the help of God. I won't say it was easy and not scary. For a person , that came from such a medicated background, conditioned to believe to trust, and being surrounded by traditions over traditions over traditions of following the typical way, it WAS , indeed , difficult at times to believe that yes, I can do just what all women did, what our Mother Eve did , and bring children into this world not through cruelty of cold plastic gloves and metal clasps, bring lights and sharp loud sounds, but through love, warmth of mothers hands and heart, and , above all , Divine help. I know that there will be multitude of opposers, saying that oh-so-many things can go wrong, and then what, etc, etc. Yes. And No. Birth of the baby is a sacred process blessed by Divine Love. All that there is, is the way it is meant to be. Always.

I have discovered myself as a woman in ways I never thought were possible to be. Maybe for one of the few rare times I really connected with the feminine part of what make us all be women - God's creations, the way he intended us to be. I learned about the sacredness of women's wit and knowledge during the art and miracle of childbirth, that is impossible for men to comprehend or rationalize simply because they ARE men. Wonderful, strong, but men. I hope, pray and wish for all beautiful women to embrace their power and strength. The truth is... we know it all. Our spirits and genes - it's all there. Just trust yourself. And God.

And as for my baby... who, the doctor was convinced I would never be able to carry past 28 weeks, if ever make even this far... I had on her due date, at home, perfectly healthy, and amazingly beautiful. I would do this again without a second thought.