April 30, 2009

Determined to live. Happy.

That is just it. Determined to live. Live GOOD. Live HAPPY. Live beautifully. Have health. Have happiness. Have LOVE. Give LOVE. Give joy. Share years together. Be happy. Enjoy the moment. Like a baby. That marvels over a sun ray. Create LOVE. Express LOVE. Create the world of LOVE. Accept. Everything. Everyone. Always. Believe. Self. HIM. Be happy. AM happy. Happiest. Then ever. Today. Now. Tomorrow. For ever. 

April 17, 2009

Speak your truth

My sweet friend DeLynn had this entry in her blog that I discovered today after reading her comments. Amazingly, this entry is word for word, an entry of my heart. So, rather then re-writing, I am just posting her entry. Thank you, my dear DeLynn, for being who you are. Lot's of LOVE.

Speak Your Truth, no one else can
"Fear of speaking or hearing the truth is the biggest stumbling block we face in our desire to experience genuinely fulfilling, honest and loving relationships. When we hold something back, that something seperates us from the other person. If were not open to hearing the words of others without reacting or taking them personally, we have distanced ourselves from those individuals.

It's always easier to tell people what they want to hear. It's often more comfortable to agree with someone, even if we disagree in our hearts. And since it can be equally frightening to confront painful truths about our own selves, our friends and family may feel compelled to tell us only what we want to hear.

When you need to tell the truth, have the courage to open your heart as well as your mouth. And when you need to hear the truth, have the strenth to open your ears and close your mouth."

I was sent this by my Daily Kabbalah tune up. Its so funny because this is exactly what I have been learning about since February. Its been really scary to me to notice how much I don't speak my truth. It comes up in my throat and I swallow it down, either because I'm afraid of what the other person will think or will feel by what I have to say. I've learned that as long as my heart is soft when I speak my truth and I'm not trying to prove anything then it is not my responsibility what the other person thinks or feels. Because I've spent my whole life afraid, I have a long ways to go with this. I just keep a prayer in my heart that I can have the faith that I will say what needs to be said at the appropriate time and I will have forgiveness for myself and for others when this doesn't happen from the heart.
I love you All!!! xoxo

Isn't this amazingly powerful? How many times to we find ourselves stuffing our voices inside simply because we do not want to look odd, to hurt someone, or - most commonly - we are just scared. Scared who would think what, of that "judging thought", scared to not fit in, to be wrong, scared to hurt someone by disagreeing. I know I feel that way often. I know that others feel that way even more often. And so we end up living the very lonely world of very friendly people. The biggest lie, thought, that we tell ourselves is that "we do not want to hurt" someone else by disagreeing, or submitting to their thoughts, actions, desires. And so we hurt ourselves instead. And then others - consciously or subconsciously, because we are angry at ourselves and our powerlessness. And then there is a fact that maybe YOUR thought is the one that someone is desperately in need of to keep going , to keep living... There, yet again, a missing link of 'love' comes in. Speaking YOUR truth in LOVE is the key ingredient in the recipe of happiness and harmony. There is a difference between speaking YOUR TRUTH instead of forcing one's opinion or expecting everyone to submit to it. How wonderful it would be if each and every one of us voiced what we are REALLY thinking. I know it was a huge shift in my life. For the first time I truly connected to the most important people in my life and for the first time I realized how much THEY were keeping inside out of the same reasons I did... Tears of gratitude to my Saviour and happiness that were shed were enough to , probably, fill a huge tank. For the first time we are truly connected. Finally. Body, Mind AND SOUL. And it feels SO wonderful. Yet it is so scary. And sad. To realize that - if not made this step - we could go through the lifetime of being like a crayfish: living within our own little shell, and convincing that we are satisfied. Only to find later that we were not alone. What a sad thought to live with in the Eternity...

April 14, 2009

I love...

I love the quietness of the day. I love the calm of the peaceful evening. I love to see my sweet baby's sleepy smile. I love to see my children's faces smiling to the happy dreams. I cherish the moments like this one, when I have my sweet 3 little angels that I can hug and kiss, cuddle and snooze on my bed, with rain dropping on the roof and wind blowing outside of the window... I love to feel the calm of the moment within my heart. Find love that gives me strength every day. To take me through in peace and calm on the wave of love through tantrums, yells and tears, bruises and pinches, broken dishes and dolls , through big dramas of their little minds, to give them what they need : my love. That gives them strength and power to take THEM through their hurricane of emotion. We work together. Yin and yang of life. They need me just as much as I need them. I love you, my sweet little angels. My heart to you. Sleep well. Sweet dreams.

Being self and being happy...

It's been so long. So many wonderful new things happening. Easter. Truly understanding Christ and Atonement. Truly living. Being self. Being happy.

SO much LOVE and GRATITUDE came to our lives. We yet again, learned another layer of faith: having courage. Courage to live by faith. Courage to step out and being self, courage to step into something new that you know nothing about except that it is the right place to be at this very moment, courage to admit that you are scared , courage to LOVE God enough to TRUST that He LOVES you, courage to BELIEVE that HE is there.

I learned that what I have is what I create. Myself. I cannot place the responsibility of living on anyone. Not even on God. Whatever is around me - it is my creation. MY world. My life... If I am not happy, neither is the world around me. "Change yourself - change the world" now reads complete.

I learned that being self - no matter what , no matter when , no matter how is more important that anything anyone can ever say or think. After all - they are only going to think or say what I FEEL inside. And I am grateful for their help. That is where "love the enemies" reads complete now too. Being in balance - what a powerful place to be. Beautiful , harmonious place, filled with love and gratitude, and more... Maybe a little deep for some, but true nevertheless. I am so amazed, as after being and fighting the heart and mind, and finally taking a step forward into "unknown", we received SO MUCH love and support from so many people around us. Thank you to you all, our dear friends and loved ones! We love you too! Thank you for being those very much needed instruments in Divine Hands. And especially, Rachel - if you are reading this - THANK YOU. Your love, your support, your knowledge , your example, your inspiration - THANK YOU. I miss you already...

I learned that without love I cannot exist. I learned that love is the air I need, the water I need, the nourishment my spirit needs. I learned that love is that road that I need on the journey of life. I learned that love can truly change the world - my world. After all GOD is LOVE...

So, on this journey :)... I send love to all of you that are reading this. Lots of love. Just the way YOU need it. And pray that this love can help open up hearts to the Divine love that Saviour has for us. Just lots of amazing, un-describable Divine love...
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