January 31, 2009


This is my last of the four posts I had on my mind today ( see Babies..., Diapers..., Food... below).
With the new year at the start, I've been looking and evaluating my life. It was interesting and shocking in a good way to see - as I looked at myself from the outsiders point of view - at how much my life changed. Life, priorities, desires. More then 10 years ago, I came here being a young, unexperienced 18 year old girl. I had my head bursting-full of dreams and desires. I must say that EVERYTHING I wished for and worked for came true. Those were hard years. Years of work, work, work. But work paid off. My dreams started to become reality. I got to dance in NY with a very good company ( every dancer's dream), I got a really well paying contract, I MADE it from a poor student with $5 in the pocket to an independent person, I had a family, I made it through several movie auditions, my phone was bursting from my modeling agent's calls, my CHILDREN were getting booked for more then I could take them too... Success beyond my imagination... etc, etc... Yet slowly, little by little , as they were coming into life, I started to realize that the grass is truly greener on the other side. I started to see that the candy is better in the wrapper. I still have everything I wanted to have, as what I dreamed about is a part of who I am, yet the weight has shifted - as life progressed - into what is important. Important to ME. I saw the part of the world that everyone dreams about, and I didn't like it... I refused a very well paid job... I called the agent and took myself and my children off the list... WHY? Because when I went to live the "dream" and I felt empty... When I was away from my children at the movie set, I didn't want it... When I saw the little eyes filled with happiness that Mommy was back it made me cry... When I saw the tears from the hard day's work of a baby/child model I hated myself for putting my children through that... Over the years I saw the other side of the "sparkling world" : the dirt, fake "happy faces" , false impressions, cruel competition over money, lies again, betrayals ... Why? Because we are conditioned to believe that to be happy we need to have the "glamour", the "sparkle", the "fame"? How can THAT compare to warm little hands that hug your face , or slobbery little kisses smooched over your cheek, or little happy eyes that sparkle when you smile, or little pitter-patter of the feet in the morning or little baby's first smiles, or feeling a new life inside of you kick and stretch and give you TRUE LOVE from within?.. There is nothing that can substitute for that. No magazine cover, no paycheck, no box office hit, no applause. I realized how much I love life to let it go buy. The beauty of the sunrise and sunset, fresh air, hot sun, cool snow, and all those I want to share it with. I much prefer the feelings of love and harmony over the stress of doing the shot over and over again. I realize that the only fans that I really care about are the ones with dirty hands, whose eyes sparkle from the word "candy". And that my most important director is the little bundle that cannot change her own diaper yet . And that the best paycheck is the time when they all sit still so that I can prepare and dance, so that after the performance I can , again, see the amazed and happy eyes giving me the flowers, and know that , yet again, I wowed my biggest , and most important fans...
I love you all , my little precious gems. You all, each and every one , are so important to me. Thank you for choosing me and letting me to be a part of your lives. I love you...


I eat raw and organic living plant foods only. I have many reasons. There is ONE reason why : click here . and then
here Hungry?
I wish everyone would pay more attention to what we put inside of our bodies. You do not have to be a raw-vegan to understand that ORGANIC means more then just "cool". You watched the video. Imagine now WHAT kind of hormones the animal gets into their systems, and then it goes into our bodies. Think also about what you have heard about animals being sick with cancer and being ok'ed by the government as "healthy". What IF the hamburger you buy is the one from the sick animal? How do you know? How is it going to reflect on YOUR health? Or better yet - your CHILD's health? And this is only the physical part of it... And there is more to it: energy ... And then you also think the reasons WHY this is happening. If we ate , as GOD commended us, using meat sparingly, none of this would ever be an issue. This is only our meat/poultry/dairy department. But what goes on in the "plant massproduce" is just as bad.

Many people say : I cannot afford organic. The truth is everyone can. It just takes desire. My personal experience : while eating all raw , as the summer ended , a couple of new stores opened , we slowly slipped into " well, let's buy this not organic, don't want to go to the health food store right now...", and then the episodes repeated more and more. Then the store we usually buy produce at raised their prices, besides, with the brand new baby is was easier to just go to one place, so we justified our buying of 50/50 organic/conventional. And then we started to notice the difference. The difference in how we felt, the difference in how the food tasted, the difference in our emotions too. I believe that food is one of the most important sources of energy vibrations. The way the food was prepared is 50% of the equation, the way the food was brought up is another 50%. To make the long story short, we recommitted to buying organic only, despite of the prices, despite of the "extra time needed" ,etc, etc. Amazingly, when we make the right choices the Lord helps us, stars align and the Universe provides. The prices went down , as the store changes a few things in their business, I always make it to the store at the right time for the right sale, and the most amazing : the health food stores started to have MORE variety at much better prices as they started to have MORE demand ( and that was not just me buying all their stuff :) ). So, my point is : when we truly commit to ANYTHING , the Lord will help us with whatever we need to have help with when the decision is right. And when we talk about health, when we talk about life - ours and His other creations', when we talk about our mother Earth, then the decision is always right and the help will always be there. The change is needed, we have exausted natures resources, we polluted the air , land and water. The land is covered with hurricanes, floods and wars... How can it not be? Look what we - the conscious beings - are doing. 

The Earth is
fighting for peace. 

The piece that God intended it to have and Satan wants to take away. The question is simple : who's side are you on? Think about it...


So, it's been officially the whole time since Yeva's birth that we've been using cloth diapers. I threw in a few disposable to make sure that her cord was not rubbed on ( she had way too small of a bum for what I had on hand. I'll make sure I am prepared better next time) . I love cloth diapering. It IS really easy! I mean , REALLY. Even though I use , basically only 15 diapers ( which means, for those of you that don't know , laundry every day. :) and even then it was not hard at all). I tried several brands : kissaluvs, fuzzy bunz, swaddle bees, hempy's , etc, etc. My FAVORITE ones , I mean absolute favorite ones, are from the Righteousbaby. It is a WAHM, and Ann - the designer and maker - is amazing! I ended up ordering more from her, because, from my experience with cloth diapers, hers are the easiest to use, and the best ones. I thought this time around , when I was pregnant, that I would really want to give it a good try. But , as tried and failed ( unknowingly doing things wrong) , I thought I'd leave this to testing, and then decide on the results. The results : I LOVE , LOVE, LOVE cloth diapers. And here is WHY :

1. I had NO diaper explosions : you know , those newborn ones? And , boy, did she try! Yet, the diapers and covers that we have contained EVERYTHING in place! The only blow-outs we DID have where when I had a disposable on her : pampers.

2. Her bottom has NEVER been red! There are no weird spots on her skin, or anything. To have the same, or actually , close to the same effect, I had to use baby powder with disposables. I use nothing but cloth diapers right now, and her bottom is pinky pink!

3. She has NO marks from the diapers, yet they don't run.

4. She is very comfortable , she is healthy, her bottom looks cute in the diapers, she lets me know when she wants a change right away , sometimes she soaks a diaper immediately, while the other times she waits a little.

5. I can see EXACTLY how much she is eating by how wet her diapers are. Something that is really not possible with disposables in the same way.

6. And , of course : there are no carcinogens, no chemicals that are touching my beautiful babies skin , there is nothing that is transferring into her body. I am AT PEACE that my baby is healthy. Just for kicks - google "WHY CLOTH" and see WHAT they put into disposables

7. The Earth is thanking us. I believe in Karma, I believe in the law of attraction, I believe in universe, I believe in Nature. I know that at least by this little bit I am helping my Mother Nature to breath a little easier, and I am grateful that I can do that.

We are our Mother's children. She gives us so much love by giving us a wonderful place to live on, and so we should return our love back to her.


I have so much on my mind. Babies is the first one.

I am marveled at how wonderful we feel about having Yeva. And I keep on being amazed at how important of a Spirit she is. I know it, I feel it, I see the living proof of it all the time. She came here to teach us. To teach us in a loving, kind way. We had to be ready though. I don't know if I would hear her gentle voice and interpret my promptings - which were her desires - if I wasn't ready. I am grateful to the Lord for preparing me. I believe everyone that I met on the way was a part of our preparation. She stated before she was born. Because she WANTED to be born, and to be healthy, and have a mother. The more I think about my birth over the weeks since I had her, the more I realize how much of a change she brought, and how important it was. I would not be here to type this if it was not for her, and for others, and especially Rachel, that helped me to listen and then find the courage and power within myself to do it. Then the whole birth, understanding of LIFE, understanding of LOVE. Understanding of a TRUE SELF and DIVINE POWER. Cannot be taught , cannot be explained. Must be felt from within to know. And then day by day I see her influence in everything. I am completely devoted to homebirth now, and am joining in with the voice of others : women have to experience the true feeling of motherhood. It is only possible when our bodies are clean from drugs and IVs , from "just in case" monitors, when our minds are clear from doctor's opinions, when we can THINK and FEEL for ourselves. I cannot stop marveling at how AMAZING nature is and how perfectly God created us. I truly and sincerely believe that we connect with our divine nature and feel , just a little bit, but still , what it IS like to be our true spiritual selves. My friend said it once, and it forever stayed in my mind : "We are spiritual beings having physical experiences, not physical beings having spiritual moments", and the more we live, the more we REMEMBER of our previous state, and the more we are ready to come back. That is why babies are so pure, that is WHY I want to preserve it in my children, to do everything I can to help them remember as much as possible, and never forget. But I wouldn't know it without experiencing it. No words or examples of others can make one feel and understand this until one experiences it for herself. I am seeing more and more of women giving up their power, and letting someone else choose for them. My heart aches when I see an absolutely beautiful daughter of God, who, somehow believes that she is not as good as the men that is wearing a uniform. Sure, she may not know how to use the newest technology, BUT there is NO machine that will tell MORE then her own heart, intuition - her Spirit. We, as people are conditioned to believe that what we feel is not necessarily true, and the machines and technology know better. The very profound question is : where did all these people , that created the technology come from? HOW did they get here? :) There was not any technology in older times, yet there were many more children in families, the mortality rate was lower , people were healthier : both physically and mentally ... It makes you wonder and think : do we really use what we have the proper way? Why do we go for "convenience" of delivering the baby, because the doctor will be out of town during the due date? What the heck?! The DUE date is a DUE MONTH +/- 2 weeks either way. How does the machine KNOW? They say : the earliest ultrasound is the most accurate one . That's a good one! Here is MY PERSONAL experience with this baby : I came for an ultrasound (doctor ordered) . They said : pregnancy LESS THEN 4 WEEKS. That was NOT what was physically possible. So I told them. They said to wait 2 days and come back on Friday. We come : AROUND 4 WEEKS. So THEY ARE SURE they KNOW what they are talking about, and I DON"T. I start doubting , although I know that physically it would not be possible. So, I ask for one more ultrasound. I come back on Monday : Pregnancy 7 weeks 3 days. So WHAT HAPPENED TO THE 3 WEEKS ??? All of a sudden I became almost a month more pregnant then before?? Now, I have to add that those were level 2 U/S machines : the best ones. Cannot do better then that. So, Doctors know everything , hah? MAchines are reliable, hah? If I didn't insist more...
I hope that Obama changes things. Doctors need to be doctors - just like they are supposed to . To be MEDICINE MEN and WOMEN, not BUSINESSmen. Yes, it is a job, but it must be done because one LOVES it, and not because s/he wants to make money. Only then they can help and heal, not damage. I believe in medicine , but NOT in current american system. I believe that knowledge that we've been blessed with is a double sided sword. And while it can be an absolute blessing, it can just as much be a killer. And at the moment we are , as society, gravitating towards the killing end. And unless we start standing up for ourselves, start thinking for ourselves, make decisions and stay by them that come from within our hearts, it is not possible to experience the happiness we ALL crave for. So, why not step towards the light?

January 22, 2009

Evolution of Dance

Inspired by one of my best friends. This is a true living Body, Spirit and Soul! Enjoy!

Words matter...

As I was starting to write this post , I didn't really know what I wanted to say. I just felt an overwhelming urge to share, and as I started writing the words started to come together. I learned over the years that there is more to life than most of people see. I believe that energy, so simply explained in physics is much more then what we think. I believe that energy is Divine Power. It is connection that - when used properly - opens the door to Heaven and thins the veil in our eyes.

I had a wonderful conversation with my friend yesterday when I went back to dance. It was the first time she saw Yeva, so ,naturally, our conversation started to go into the babyland direction. She ,too, had her baby naturally, but she was terrified to have another one. She loved having the baby and being a mother , but she was afraid of laboring again. I was a little shocked - she has a very keen understanding of the importance of proper birth, we had many, many wonderful conversations throughout my pregnancy, she was such a wonderful support and inspiration. So , I asked her : what was the reason?! Nothing in my mind made sense. Her answer was so simple, so true and so sad: there were certain things that her midwife said too early ( and those were the words A GOOD midwife should never say anyway!), and those words heavily affected her energy flow and simply changed everything. She was planning a homebirth, and while she did have a baby naturally, she ended up having to go to the hospital. My friend has a very good connection with her body, and she knows exactly WHAT , WHEN and HOW needs to happen. I think it is a part of being a dancer. You MUST listen to your body, otherwise your career will end very soon. So, through the labor, while she was not going very fast in her labor, she felt everything was fine. Yet, the midwife , who was more medically oriented ( translation in my language now : unless a very spiritual person, usually medical field related people freak out a lot , and therefore bring their fears unto the clients, and create problems right there) , the midwife started to express desire to speed things up as SHE decided she saw a problem. The girl was in labor for only 12 hours! ( and it was very questionable how many of those ours she was in labor! She had CONTRACTIONS for 12 hours. There is a difference). So the midwife expressed a firm suggestion that Lindsey should get an epidural. She did not want to. So the midwife told her that she is holding on to something, and she will not be able to have this baby naturally unless she lets go. But holding on to WHAT? you don't just say things like that unless you know and are sure what you are talking about. And so the energy moved, and Lindsey felt the change, and if before she felt in control, now she felt helpless, unable to fix things, terrified, etc, etc. The same midwife somehow helped her still not to get the epidural, and while they went to the hospital ( which there was ABSOLUTELY NO need for! Just a PURE FEAR from midwife , based on NOTHING) , Lindsey was able to have a baby naturally, but then she was locked into the system and had to get everything that she didn't want to have for herself and her baby. And now she is terrified. She does not want to have a hospital birth, yet she is terrified from the experience. THe reason for everything is words, fear and energy those create.
I cannot say enough about the fact of energy of other people affecting us and we affect others by our energy. I see it all the time, every day, all day long. I saw it with my own children, and the clearest one is Yeva. Yeva and I share a very special spiritual connection. And it has nothing to do with baby bonding. I bonded amazingly with every one of my children, but there is something different about Yeva's spirit, that I am very grateful for, and am very blessed to understand it. I can communicate with Yeva on much more then conscious level of understanding. There is much more to it. I don't know if there are words to describe it. From the moment I seriously started to look into emotional/spiritual part of life, and how it affects us, and applied it to my pregnancy, I felt that there was something different about this baby. I didn't know what. I didn't know how it would affect me. I just knew that something was different. And then towards the end of the pregnancy I saw it. Yeva was very clear on the conditions she wanted to have to enter this world, and when she was born and we continued to have this spiritual connection, I understood the reasons for it and the responsibility for me that came with it. There are many things that she is teaching me every day. Yet, there must be a certain understanding , or the vessel closes up tightly. I learned that IF WE are willing and diligent in our spiritual state of being, and truly seek understanding, the veil between spiritual world thins greatly. But we have to be open, diligent, and committed to go through with whatever the need is- no matter how challenging, or the consequences follow undoubtedly. One of the things that I felt was that Yeva was here to teach and show us something important, but she needed protection. So I did everything. Or I thought I did. I did my work during pregnancy, I prepared for childbirth, brought her in this world the way she chose to , I isolated her from people in her early days, as to not to get an infection, I did my homework and I didn't immunize her ( side effects are terrible - do your research) , I attended her needs as to her emotional state , and more... And it paid off. She is an amazing baby, and so she was from the beginning. There are many way she blesses us in. One of the ways she shares DIVINE LOVE through her SMILE. And no, not gas. She smiles. FuIl out, with her cute little toothless mouth, her gorgeous blue eyes, but more then that - the energy around her just resonates LOVE. Pure LOVE. Oh, how much we enjoy her smiles! That is her reward to us for attending her needs. She started to blossom from the first minute like a beautiful flower, growing stronger every day. And this is where words come in again. And energy. And society. And responsibility. And ability to listen. And strength to act.
We had guests. I felt that it would be too early for anyone to see the baby yet, but the "tradition"... I gave in. After all, others would enjoy her too, I shouldn't be selfish, right? Wrong. Yeva started to share her love by radiating her beautiful smiles. And the comment was made that is was not a smile. A gas bubble. We objected, but were cut off again - " no, not a smile. A bubble". We were a little speechless for a moment, not quite knowing how to react without offending. That is where the "obligations of society" tied us for a minute, but that minute was more then enough. Immediately, I felt , WE felt a huge change. Instead of happy, loving , calm , peaceful atmosphere there was just emptiness. Something in Yeva changed. She became restless, yet too calm at the same time. Her energy was not there anymore the way we were used to seeing it. The vessel was closed. I took her in my arms, cradled her and tried to see if a prayer in my heart would change things, but I couldn't do anything anymore. It felt like the wall appeared. I felt devastated. Even other people that saw Yeva before noticed the change. I spent several days crying, asking her to open up again, promising - and truly meaning - that this time I will protect her the way I should have, despite of society "norms". God does not live according to society principles or rules, and I was truly sorry that I let that in the way. It took us a few days , a blessing, and lots of prayers and talking to Yeva, but she slowly started to come back, and in a few days after that we had our little girl back again.
We've learned many things from this experience. We've learned that there is greater responsibility of being a TRUE parent that our society realizes. We learned that the veil is so thin, and you can really see through it if you want to look. That there is nothing impossible with Divine Power. We learned that God does not live according to society "rules" . He lives according to His Divine power of LOVE, and it is US who choose to let it in or shut it out. I cannot describe in words the emptiness we felt after the incident. Empty. Lonely. Like someone whom we loved so much and who loved us all of a sudden left, and we were alone. We had a beautiful baby, but there was something different about her. She was ours, yet she was independent. It was so difficult, and we are so grateful that we are blessed to have her back again. And that made me think - if something as simple as words can affect something as ( to the outsider's eyes) simple as baby smiles, how many greater things do we miss out on by simply shutting the door OURSELVES? Simply because of the "tradition", or "common believe", or something else? And don't let the PURE LOVE of our Heavenly Parents in because we are too busy, or are afraid of looking outside of the box. I look at my children - all 3 of them - and I want to make them stay the way they are : innocent, pure, loving , being able to see something miraculous in something very ordinary to our eyes, and most important : being able to stay close to God just as they are now. I am seeing that as years are going by , and as society puts the pressure of the standards on children, they are starting to turn into adults. Some say it is good. But is it really?
Wea are so grateful to God sending my way people that truly understand and see things eye to eye with us, and for our dear family that are trying so hard! Thank you all, our dearly loved! We treasure you. Peace, love, and blessings your way always.

January 21, 2009

Coconut soup

Young Coconut Soup
if you have 2 young coconut then you use both = water + "meat"
if you just have 1 you can use:
1 young coconut, water + "meat"
1-2 c water
then add to the blender:
2 kaffir lime leaf
1/2 stalk lemongrass
2 clove garlic
1 Tbsp minced fresh ginger root
1 Tsp himalayasalt
1 whole lime, without the peel
pinch cayenne

2 carrots, julienned
1 avocado, peeled and cut into cubes
handful snow peas, thinly sliced
1/2 red bell pepper, cut into cubes
2 spring onions, thinly sliced
fresh cilantro
blend in a bowl
Add mushrooms if you like. Mushrooms , depending on spices add from meaty to fishy flavor.

Red cabbage and kale salad with walnuts and tangy citrus vinaigrette
2 large or 4 small leaves dinosaur kale, destemmed and sliced thinly
1 1/2 c red cabbage, sliced thinly
small handful raw walnut pieces
1 clementine, peeled and seeded
1-2 tbsp lime juice
splash apple cider vinegar
1 tsp ginger, grated
1 clove garlic, minced
2-3 tbsp flax seed oil
1/4 tsp sea salt
dash cayenne

place kale, cabbage, and walnuts in a small mixing bowl. put remaining ingredients into a blender and process until smooth. pour over vegetable mixture and toss to coat thoroughly. let stand 10 minutes to marinade before serving.

I love this soup. I usually do just one coconut, and always experiment with spices. You absolutely do not need to use lemongrass, ginger, lime kaffir... use parsley, dill, rosemary instead, or just simple " all purpose" mix. I also like to put celery in the base - it gives the soup that broth-like flavor.

January 16, 2009

Big bowl of greens with tahini sauce

Big bowl of greens with tahini sauce
for the greens:
lots of fresh greens by your choice
wash and put in a bowl an serve with tahini sauce

for the sauce
1/2 c tahini
1/2 cucumber
1/2 lime, peeled
2 Tbsp tamari
2 Tbsp grated fresh ginger
2 dates or 2 Tbsp yaccon
1-2 clove garlic
fist of fresh cilantro
hint of Himalaya salt and cayenne
water as needed (if the sauce is to thick add more water)
Combine all the ingredients in a blender and blend until smooth - pour over the salat end enjoyyyyyyyyyyyyy

I copied this recipe from one of the sites of the friends I have on facebook. It is GREAT. I know there have been no updates lately, I'll be back today later with more.
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