November 06, 2008


This last few days have all been about realization and understanding my own self. I had absolutely no idea what was inside of me, until I started digging inside. I am so grateful for such knowledgeable and loving people to help me get through it. I always believed that emotions affect us so much in everything, but now that I am actually UNDERSTANDING and realizing what I am experiencing, it is just shocking. I feel so grateful to the Lord for making me realize and understand this all in such a loving way.
I had a few hard days figuring out what was going on with me - body and emotions - and finally, today, with the help from Rachel, I think I found the "switch". It is amazing too how much my own state of being affects my children. During the last couple of days I was really emotional, more reactive, etc - in other words, completely dis- balanced. And my kids, end especially my son, was very unsettled, unhappy, kind of don't-know-what-to-do-with-myself person. Today, just after 1 hours , he completely changed. Shockingly. As if he went from being in some sort of fog to complete life again. That really made me think and realize , that all those times, when kids misbehave, it is , probably, 99, of not 100% my own fault and problem. Their little spirits are so tender and pure , they can connect and feel and understand us so much better then we can understand ourselves. And the misbehavior is nothing more then reflexion of our own emotional state. I started to go through my memory of mis-haps that we had, etc, etc, and so far my theory is 100% confirmed. I noticed how much more willing to listen my kids are when I am calm and balanced inside, and I can't point out a single time when they disagreed with me, even though I did not always allowed them to have/do what they wanted. Yet, every single time when I am not "there" all the way, they " seem to do everything to drive me crazy", which, as I realized today is nothing more but my own energy radiating on them. So, who is there to blame , but myself?
We truly create our own reality, and we truly can change the world if we change ourselves first.


  1. Wow I love what you said. I never thought of it like that but it is so true.

    Even with my little almost-5 month old. He can sense my moods. and I know it is different with older children who can talk and express themselves (since crying is one of the major ways he can express himself right now), but if I talk in a gentler calmer voice he responds much much better than if I get stressed and raise my pitch and tone. I hardly ever do that and hope I can stay that way as he gets older and starts getting himself into trouble (haha) but it is good practice for me right now.

    You seem as though you have been having a great eye-opening couple of weeks, first with the hypnobirth classes and now this realization. And I love reading about your thoughts becuase it helps me too. :)

  2. Totally makes me think of the phrase, "If mama ain't happy, nobody's happy." Though, I must say, you tell it in a much more dignified way. Basically poetic! :) I'm inspired! :)

  3. i'm right there w/ you olya. i've felt this way for SO long, but never really had the words to say it. you write so well, thanks for sharing and i'm SO gald you have connected with Rachel! she really is awesome! as are you. . .

  4. Yeah, Rachel is amazing - all I can say. i am learning A LOT from her, and lots of times it is not even learning , its like getting what I already thought and believed in, but never had the guts to , reassured and confirmed. But there are so many things that I had no idea about - it is a joy and a blessing to learn from Rachel and other amazing people she knows.


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