January 31, 2009


I have so much on my mind. Babies is the first one.

I am marveled at how wonderful we feel about having Yeva. And I keep on being amazed at how important of a Spirit she is. I know it, I feel it, I see the living proof of it all the time. She came here to teach us. To teach us in a loving, kind way. We had to be ready though. I don't know if I would hear her gentle voice and interpret my promptings - which were her desires - if I wasn't ready. I am grateful to the Lord for preparing me. I believe everyone that I met on the way was a part of our preparation. She stated before she was born. Because she WANTED to be born, and to be healthy, and have a mother. The more I think about my birth over the weeks since I had her, the more I realize how much of a change she brought, and how important it was. I would not be here to type this if it was not for her, and for others, and especially Rachel, that helped me to listen and then find the courage and power within myself to do it. Then the whole birth, understanding of LIFE, understanding of LOVE. Understanding of a TRUE SELF and DIVINE POWER. Cannot be taught , cannot be explained. Must be felt from within to know. And then day by day I see her influence in everything. I am completely devoted to homebirth now, and am joining in with the voice of others : women have to experience the true feeling of motherhood. It is only possible when our bodies are clean from drugs and IVs , from "just in case" monitors, when our minds are clear from doctor's opinions, when we can THINK and FEEL for ourselves. I cannot stop marveling at how AMAZING nature is and how perfectly God created us. I truly and sincerely believe that we connect with our divine nature and feel , just a little bit, but still , what it IS like to be our true spiritual selves. My friend said it once, and it forever stayed in my mind : "We are spiritual beings having physical experiences, not physical beings having spiritual moments", and the more we live, the more we REMEMBER of our previous state, and the more we are ready to come back. That is why babies are so pure, that is WHY I want to preserve it in my children, to do everything I can to help them remember as much as possible, and never forget. But I wouldn't know it without experiencing it. No words or examples of others can make one feel and understand this until one experiences it for herself. I am seeing more and more of women giving up their power, and letting someone else choose for them. My heart aches when I see an absolutely beautiful daughter of God, who, somehow believes that she is not as good as the men that is wearing a uniform. Sure, she may not know how to use the newest technology, BUT there is NO machine that will tell MORE then her own heart, intuition - her Spirit. We, as people are conditioned to believe that what we feel is not necessarily true, and the machines and technology know better. The very profound question is : where did all these people , that created the technology come from? HOW did they get here? :) There was not any technology in older times, yet there were many more children in families, the mortality rate was lower , people were healthier : both physically and mentally ... It makes you wonder and think : do we really use what we have the proper way? Why do we go for "convenience" of delivering the baby, because the doctor will be out of town during the due date? What the heck?! The DUE date is a DUE MONTH +/- 2 weeks either way. How does the machine KNOW? They say : the earliest ultrasound is the most accurate one . That's a good one! Here is MY PERSONAL experience with this baby : I came for an ultrasound (doctor ordered) . They said : pregnancy LESS THEN 4 WEEKS. That was NOT what was physically possible. So I told them. They said to wait 2 days and come back on Friday. We come : AROUND 4 WEEKS. So THEY ARE SURE they KNOW what they are talking about, and I DON"T. I start doubting , although I know that physically it would not be possible. So, I ask for one more ultrasound. I come back on Monday : Pregnancy 7 weeks 3 days. So WHAT HAPPENED TO THE 3 WEEKS ??? All of a sudden I became almost a month more pregnant then before?? Now, I have to add that those were level 2 U/S machines : the best ones. Cannot do better then that. So, Doctors know everything , hah? MAchines are reliable, hah? If I didn't insist more...
I hope that Obama changes things. Doctors need to be doctors - just like they are supposed to . To be MEDICINE MEN and WOMEN, not BUSINESSmen. Yes, it is a job, but it must be done because one LOVES it, and not because s/he wants to make money. Only then they can help and heal, not damage. I believe in medicine , but NOT in current american system. I believe that knowledge that we've been blessed with is a double sided sword. And while it can be an absolute blessing, it can just as much be a killer. And at the moment we are , as society, gravitating towards the killing end. And unless we start standing up for ourselves, start thinking for ourselves, make decisions and stay by them that come from within our hearts, it is not possible to experience the happiness we ALL crave for. So, why not step towards the light?

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