January 22, 2009

Words matter...

As I was starting to write this post , I didn't really know what I wanted to say. I just felt an overwhelming urge to share, and as I started writing the words started to come together. I learned over the years that there is more to life than most of people see. I believe that energy, so simply explained in physics is much more then what we think. I believe that energy is Divine Power. It is connection that - when used properly - opens the door to Heaven and thins the veil in our eyes.

I had a wonderful conversation with my friend yesterday when I went back to dance. It was the first time she saw Yeva, so ,naturally, our conversation started to go into the babyland direction. She ,too, had her baby naturally, but she was terrified to have another one. She loved having the baby and being a mother , but she was afraid of laboring again. I was a little shocked - she has a very keen understanding of the importance of proper birth, we had many, many wonderful conversations throughout my pregnancy, she was such a wonderful support and inspiration. So , I asked her : what was the reason?! Nothing in my mind made sense. Her answer was so simple, so true and so sad: there were certain things that her midwife said too early ( and those were the words A GOOD midwife should never say anyway!), and those words heavily affected her energy flow and simply changed everything. She was planning a homebirth, and while she did have a baby naturally, she ended up having to go to the hospital. My friend has a very good connection with her body, and she knows exactly WHAT , WHEN and HOW needs to happen. I think it is a part of being a dancer. You MUST listen to your body, otherwise your career will end very soon. So, through the labor, while she was not going very fast in her labor, she felt everything was fine. Yet, the midwife , who was more medically oriented ( translation in my language now : unless a very spiritual person, usually medical field related people freak out a lot , and therefore bring their fears unto the clients, and create problems right there) , the midwife started to express desire to speed things up as SHE decided she saw a problem. The girl was in labor for only 12 hours! ( and it was very questionable how many of those ours she was in labor! She had CONTRACTIONS for 12 hours. There is a difference). So the midwife expressed a firm suggestion that Lindsey should get an epidural. She did not want to. So the midwife told her that she is holding on to something, and she will not be able to have this baby naturally unless she lets go. But holding on to WHAT? you don't just say things like that unless you know and are sure what you are talking about. And so the energy moved, and Lindsey felt the change, and if before she felt in control, now she felt helpless, unable to fix things, terrified, etc, etc. The same midwife somehow helped her still not to get the epidural, and while they went to the hospital ( which there was ABSOLUTELY NO need for! Just a PURE FEAR from midwife , based on NOTHING) , Lindsey was able to have a baby naturally, but then she was locked into the system and had to get everything that she didn't want to have for herself and her baby. And now she is terrified. She does not want to have a hospital birth, yet she is terrified from the experience. THe reason for everything is words, fear and energy those create.
I cannot say enough about the fact of energy of other people affecting us and we affect others by our energy. I see it all the time, every day, all day long. I saw it with my own children, and the clearest one is Yeva. Yeva and I share a very special spiritual connection. And it has nothing to do with baby bonding. I bonded amazingly with every one of my children, but there is something different about Yeva's spirit, that I am very grateful for, and am very blessed to understand it. I can communicate with Yeva on much more then conscious level of understanding. There is much more to it. I don't know if there are words to describe it. From the moment I seriously started to look into emotional/spiritual part of life, and how it affects us, and applied it to my pregnancy, I felt that there was something different about this baby. I didn't know what. I didn't know how it would affect me. I just knew that something was different. And then towards the end of the pregnancy I saw it. Yeva was very clear on the conditions she wanted to have to enter this world, and when she was born and we continued to have this spiritual connection, I understood the reasons for it and the responsibility for me that came with it. There are many things that she is teaching me every day. Yet, there must be a certain understanding , or the vessel closes up tightly. I learned that IF WE are willing and diligent in our spiritual state of being, and truly seek understanding, the veil between spiritual world thins greatly. But we have to be open, diligent, and committed to go through with whatever the need is- no matter how challenging, or the consequences follow undoubtedly. One of the things that I felt was that Yeva was here to teach and show us something important, but she needed protection. So I did everything. Or I thought I did. I did my work during pregnancy, I prepared for childbirth, brought her in this world the way she chose to , I isolated her from people in her early days, as to not to get an infection, I did my homework and I didn't immunize her ( side effects are terrible - do your research) , I attended her needs as to her emotional state , and more... And it paid off. She is an amazing baby, and so she was from the beginning. There are many way she blesses us in. One of the ways she shares DIVINE LOVE through her SMILE. And no, not gas. She smiles. FuIl out, with her cute little toothless mouth, her gorgeous blue eyes, but more then that - the energy around her just resonates LOVE. Pure LOVE. Oh, how much we enjoy her smiles! That is her reward to us for attending her needs. She started to blossom from the first minute like a beautiful flower, growing stronger every day. And this is where words come in again. And energy. And society. And responsibility. And ability to listen. And strength to act.
We had guests. I felt that it would be too early for anyone to see the baby yet, but the "tradition"... I gave in. After all, others would enjoy her too, I shouldn't be selfish, right? Wrong. Yeva started to share her love by radiating her beautiful smiles. And the comment was made that is was not a smile. A gas bubble. We objected, but were cut off again - " no, not a smile. A bubble". We were a little speechless for a moment, not quite knowing how to react without offending. That is where the "obligations of society" tied us for a minute, but that minute was more then enough. Immediately, I felt , WE felt a huge change. Instead of happy, loving , calm , peaceful atmosphere there was just emptiness. Something in Yeva changed. She became restless, yet too calm at the same time. Her energy was not there anymore the way we were used to seeing it. The vessel was closed. I took her in my arms, cradled her and tried to see if a prayer in my heart would change things, but I couldn't do anything anymore. It felt like the wall appeared. I felt devastated. Even other people that saw Yeva before noticed the change. I spent several days crying, asking her to open up again, promising - and truly meaning - that this time I will protect her the way I should have, despite of society "norms". God does not live according to society principles or rules, and I was truly sorry that I let that in the way. It took us a few days , a blessing, and lots of prayers and talking to Yeva, but she slowly started to come back, and in a few days after that we had our little girl back again.
We've learned many things from this experience. We've learned that there is greater responsibility of being a TRUE parent that our society realizes. We learned that the veil is so thin, and you can really see through it if you want to look. That there is nothing impossible with Divine Power. We learned that God does not live according to society "rules" . He lives according to His Divine power of LOVE, and it is US who choose to let it in or shut it out. I cannot describe in words the emptiness we felt after the incident. Empty. Lonely. Like someone whom we loved so much and who loved us all of a sudden left, and we were alone. We had a beautiful baby, but there was something different about her. She was ours, yet she was independent. It was so difficult, and we are so grateful that we are blessed to have her back again. And that made me think - if something as simple as words can affect something as ( to the outsider's eyes) simple as baby smiles, how many greater things do we miss out on by simply shutting the door OURSELVES? Simply because of the "tradition", or "common believe", or something else? And don't let the PURE LOVE of our Heavenly Parents in because we are too busy, or are afraid of looking outside of the box. I look at my children - all 3 of them - and I want to make them stay the way they are : innocent, pure, loving , being able to see something miraculous in something very ordinary to our eyes, and most important : being able to stay close to God just as they are now. I am seeing that as years are going by , and as society puts the pressure of the standards on children, they are starting to turn into adults. Some say it is good. But is it really?
Wea are so grateful to God sending my way people that truly understand and see things eye to eye with us, and for our dear family that are trying so hard! Thank you all, our dearly loved! We treasure you. Peace, love, and blessings your way always.


  1. Thank you for your post. I love reading your posts because they are so thoughtful and insightful. I believe that babies from the start can smile I have a new baby too and she is also different from my other two. She smiles every time there is laughter and joy in the room she is responding and I know your Yeva is too. I am sorry about the negative reaction that is sad. I am glad you got her back.

  2. Beautiful words. I am a labor and delivery nurse in a wonderful family birth center and I know these words were written four years ago but their truth is so inspiring and I hope to bring that energy and blessing into each and every labor I am blessed to be a part of. What a touching recounting and a celestial experience. Thank you for sharing, sincerely, Elyse


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