yesterday i picked up the crew from school and we went down to the city center. it was one of those days when my pregnant self got rather worrisome after reading this post and thinking more about life (or maybe not thinking at all and having all those hormones rage out of control...)
every baby has been a blessing beyond our imaginations. yet, with every pregnancy i had that same very worry joanna talks about , just as i did with the first, second, third , fourth and now fifth.
time flies, everyone knows that. it literally seems that yesterday i met my now husband. we ice-skated, went on surprise picnics, he brought me mega bouquets of my favorite flowers at the end of my performances. my heart was overflowing with love and happiness.
and then i held my first baby in my arms and realized that i had no idea that being a mom is such an amazingly wonderful thing. again, my heart was bursting with the immense amount of love that i had no clue was even possible to have. i remember thinking too that it would never be capable of expanding beyond that. until my daughter was born. the story repeated itself time and time over.
and while i realize that this time is no different, and we already love this little baby so very much, and there will most definitely be another chamber in my heart bursting with overflowing love, i worry...
i hope that just like with all the other four, this little new one will fit right in and complete the team. i know that my oldest two are SO very excited ( as a matter of fact for about a year now i heard
"can we have another baby soon?"), but this time is different from all the other ones before. there will be a big gap between the oldest and the youngest now, and they will remember and note the difference between "before and after" - which is something completely new to me.
day in and day out i think about it. how to transition? how to ensure that the oldest ones know that i love them just the same, if not more, even when i will be ( and i know that i will) taking 90% of my time to care for a newborn? what to say? and how to act?
until i figure it out, i'm trying to make the most of each day. there was nothing spectacular about yesterday. we simply went downtown. chatted about school and projects on the way ( did i mention that he is a scientist and she is an artist?). it was freezing. we made our way into a covered area, got some animal cookies and tea and watched trains for a good hour or more, and then went home.
and it was as if we did the best thing in the world ever.
did you ever have similar experiences? can you relate?
what would you do?