October 22, 2009

It's my time now

After a long time my book of life is open. My life ROCKS. It's fabulous. Happier then ever been. Living a dream. I am a performer. Born. Many generations' love for stage came through in success. Finally. Didn't come free. By far.

A pain of a loss is more then I thought it would be. A part that belonged to someone else somewhere else is with me and is empty at the same time. Sometimes it's more then I can handle. I know past is past. I want it to be gone. And it is. Time is the best doctor, I know that much too well. Yet... I just wish I had a magic wand to just make it happen. Now. Today. This minute. And then... I don't at the same time. The memory is precious. The time shared is a treasure. The pictures in my heart and mind are priceless. I would not be me without them. I would not be me without changes either.

I know that there will be many more moments when I'll just want to curl up and cry. And , yet, I am perfectly fine. And happy. Everything is just like it should be. Nobody will know. Opponents will never suspect. Make them happy? Never. I am here to be happy. And I am. Despite of everything.

I see my children pretending to be adults, and I want to shout : no! be kids! let me take care of you! solve your problems. And then I pause. Think. Marvel. Little beings know it all about how to be self. How to be responsible. How to live. I teach them nothing. I learn.

Letting go is hard. Growing up is hard. Living is hard. When you are an adult. And it is all fabulous. Every minute. When you are a child. That is what I am here to be. A child. Strange? Possible. Perfect? Absolutely. Just like everything else in life is. Mine included.


  1. Just curious: are you performing in something now then? Broadway? A ballet company? A studio? Teaching? What are ya up to in that loverly world we call the arts?

  2. Awwwe poor little one :( Good for you for standing up for your children. People have no decency or courtesy today, and if you do see it, it is rare.


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